For the last few weeks as the May 3rd date is approaching, I feel myself getting restless…begging God to show me what to do, who to go talk to, what door to knock on, what letter to send out, and so much more. I trying so hard not to miss what I need to do so I don’t botch up this journey to the Castle. I don’t want to sit around wasting time, missing opportunities to find sponsors, money, resources, etc… Honestly, money issues overwhelm me and I easily get stomach cramps and hyperventilate. No joke. But at the same time, I realize money is needed for property and spreadsheets. I want to do my part, but I am frazzled and fearful. So I keep watching and praying.
Last week I was by the ocean, mesmerized by the power and perfect rhythm of the waves crashing and the tide gently hitting the shore. I am not a swimmer; I stay where my feet can touch the ground and my shoulders are above the water. Yet my soul yearns to sit on the rocks and feel the push and pull of the salty sea…oddly at ease. No fear. Completely against my daily human thinking.
Jesus and I had a few meetings that week, mainly of me reminding Him of my small box of resources but also of my total trust in His orchestration.
Also during that time a dear friend sent me a sermon video. It was Tony Evans saying “Do not try to attach human solutions to supernatural visions. God is not expecting you or wanting you to solve it, but rather needs you to simply allow Him to do it using your obedience.” Tony said when he is called to go speak at churches, he does not spend his time trying to figure out how he is going to get there, studying geographical locations, bus schedules…from the airport to this specific church. He says every single time he says yes to a request, he is provided transportation to go directly and easily there. It is not his job to figure out how to get there, but rather to be prepared to do what he has been called to do when he gets there…he said he has to choose where to spend his time and energy.
When I came home and was cleaning up the kitchen after a week of teenage boys living alone, I listened to a podcast of Priscilla Shirer. I flipped on my YouTube app and just hit whatever came up first. Hmmm… Priscilla was preaching on Peter getting OUT of his boat (he had been fishing all night and caught nothing) and Jesus getting INTO his boat, first preaching to the crowd and then asking Peter to go into deep water and cast his net. If Peter would have caught fish in his own strength, there would be no room for Jesus to stand in his boat and teach others… and also there would be no room for all the fish that Jesus wanted to give Peter. Priscilla went on to say that often God will take you through a season of fishing with no results to teach you obedience and trust for the season of blessing that is coming your way, that He is preparing for you to receive. “I would rather be scared and flailing in deep water with Jesus in control than standing in shallow water in my strength and control!” She ended with, “If He is calling you into deep water beyond your understanding and capabilities…GO!! Do not hesitate!!”
I went to the grocery store and bumped into a Vineyard lady, asking how I was doing…noticing my restlessness. “You WANT a blueprint, but He’s not going to give you one. You don’t NEED one. And it’s going to be okay.”
Since Wednesday, the concept of “Be still. Keep watching. Be patient. Trust Him. Sit and wait.” has filled my email box, my FB feed, my radio stations and sermons on video and in person…so much so that Him telling me to “Sit still!” is LOUD and very present! And He knows I do not sit still well.
Sunday morning while getting ready for church, I listened to a podcast and the speaker was teaching on Luke 9:28-36, The Transfiguration. She emphasized verse 36 “Here is My Son…Listen to Him!” Not “ask Him questions, or tell Him your worries,” but simply see Him and only LISTEN.
An hour and a half later I was sitting in church and our minister begin reading scripture: Luke 9:28-36. (Are you serious, God?!) He said to ignore what’s happening around you, your priority is to focus and listen. He even used the scripture “Be still and know that I am God” as if I needed to hear it again! He also spoke of Hebrews 12, “keep running, fix your eyes on the prize and do not lose heart. Persevere!”
On my Bible page, I noticed I had underlined something from the previous sermon. Heb 10:36-39 “ Persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised you… do not shrink back, but believe!” In the margin I had written 2 Corinthians 8:11-12. “Now finish your work with eagerness…If the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what you have, not to what you do not have.”
The pastor also mentioned Moses who was told by God to speak to the rock to provide for the people. Instead Moses was tired and frustrated and hit the rock, showing his strength instead of showing God‘s strength. God provided but Moses missed God’s bigger blessing.
If Peter would have refused to go out into the deep water, he would’ve missed all of the fish that Jesus wanted to give him and the blessing for not only him but for all of the people watching.
Our pastor ended the sermon noting that if we do not take time to be alone with God and simply listen and pray, we will not see, receive or understand the intimate concepts that He alone has to offer. What we humanly see is simply temporary. What we don’t see but need to believe is that the supernatural blessings are there for us…if we just BE STILL, LISTEN AND FOLLOW HIM!